I've been raised as a Christian ALL the days of my life! I am so very grateful for that fact! What a beautiful gift that my family did give me - the generations before my immediate family included. But here I stand - a well groomed Christian feeling quite disconnected from the mass voice I once gladly joined. I have a question that just may not seem to be in line with the Christian norm. But here I go - because I've been pondering this for some time.
I wonder why it is that we, believers in Christ, have the right to shove our beliefs down the throats of others. Why is it the 'norm' to scold others for 'going to hell' and being so confrontational about their personal behaviors, the ones that are for them to choose alone. As I recall, MY God did not SHOVE His views down my throat. There is the simple fact that Jesus DID indeed come to earth and died on the cross to save me from my sinful ways. He DID do that but.... then, the best part of all, He let me choose to say yes to Him. He didn't twist my arm or beat me with my sins. He chased me in such a tender and loving way - one that was tailor made for me. He didn't scream at me and damn me and threaten me with hell. He was gentle and tender and loving and accepting.
Just imagine - if your husband forced you to believe and do as he said you should. Isn't that how the church has responded. "WE think that Christ died on the cross for ALL sinners and YOU people are about to burn in hell if you do not change. Live like we do or else!", is the mantra of many. Some believers even dare to kill those who disagree with their views. We desire laws to FORCE compliance or else. So much hatred and so much anger. So NOT the way of Christ!
See, the Christ I know loved me SO much that He gave me His best gift - and guess what.... He didn't wait until I was 'good enough' to give that gift to me. He gave it to me when I rejected it. He gave it to me when I didn't understand it. He gave it to me when I 'thought' I had fully understood and accepted it. He GAVE it to me even when I messed it up. He GAVE it to me even when I spoke poorly on His behalf. It was mine. I just had to choose to accept that gift. It has been mine since the foundations of the earth because it was the plan when He created the earth. He gave it with love, not anger and hate and threats. He gave it in hopes that I would see the value in it and gladly accept it.
So now - WHY, for the love of God, do we - those who said yes to His most generous gift of eternal life - WHY do we damn, rage, show anger, and judge those who have not yet said yes to Him. How could we expect someone who rejects Christ to honor Him with their lifestyle choices. How often does our desire to 'save the lost' end with our beating them so brutally, figuratively. Who would want our 'loving God'. You see, from where I stand today.... I serve and love a LOVING God who deals with me in a personal relationship. He loves me just as I am. How could I DARE present Him to another with the threat of hell? He isn't offering fire insurance. He is offering eternal life. God knows the combination to EVERY heart. He is the one who stirs us towards Him. How dare I, a believer in Christ, try to FORCE Him on another. I wasn't forced. How dare I think that I must right any and every wrong in the world by FORCING others to live by my standards. Yes, God's ways are better - but until someone KNOWS God for themselves they really do not care.
God stirs our hearts and draws us to Himself. I think the fact that there are Christians alive today shows us that He is more than able to save those who are willing to accept Him. Our job as believers is to be light. The last time I looked - my lamp wasn't screaming at me with threats of hell. It simply is light. It simply displaces the darkness. No convincing speeches are necessary. The light just IS light. Even if it isn't trying! So, why must we bash others. Here we are watching others fight for their freedoms and every time we try to impose our view on certain issues it simply causes the opposing view to dig in with more grit and here we now stand with attacks on our freedoms. Now they are force feeding us with THEIR ways. How about we all have our freedom to live as we will, you know - like God intended, and leave the saving to God. I bet we would see more good fruit from that choice than we ever will by trying to force our morals on another.
How about we trust God to save the lost and we just focus on being light (we do that by being more like Christ so that we have light in us) so that He can cause men to be drawn unto Himself and then He can point them to the light. How little faith we must have in our God if we think we must 'make it happen' by force rather than trusting Him and praying for our country and the lost. Right now, I believe our mouths and our efforts of trying to strong arm others into being like us is doing more harm than it is good. Let's pray for the lost instead of threaten them with hell. Hell is real. God is real. Let's give God the room to stir a heart and let's just shut our loud mouths. God is more than able to save this world. Our light should just shine. Our job is to be light. We do more good with a shut mouth and on bended knee than our best speech could ever do. A God appointed conversation is WAY more life changing than any planned conversation we will ever have. He is the savior, not us. How about we get out of His way, stop attacking the opposition, pray and then trust God with the rest. That's how He moves anyway. Our aggression should be aimed at the powers in hell. Our love should be aimed at the person. We are just delaying the process with all of our 'help'.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Monday, December 12, 2011
The Christmas TREASURE Hunt
Every year I want to make a meaningful impact on my kiddo's - I want them to embrace the love behind Christmas in a deeper way. I want them to know that CHRIST is what Christmas reflects - not a wish list for Santa. Yes, we do go see Santa - it is a fun family outing but we never label any gifts as being from Santa nor do we encourage a whole lot of hope or interest in Santa. My husband and I have fond memories of the innocent fun of it all and thus - we want to share that with our kids too. I know many disagree.
So - back to my point. This year we purchased a gift for the kids that is a little large and will live in the basement. It would not be 'under' the tree and I kept wondering how I would manage to draw them to the gift without saying, 'OH, I think something is missing," or such. Then it hit me - a treasure hunt. But what would I do to make it fun? Hmmmm.... It was then I had a HUGE light bulb moment - I realized what a FUN and truly memorable way to focus all of the gifts back to Christ - the treasure hunt could be the final gift and the redirect for their hearts.
So here is a glimpse at our TREASURE hunt to come (My kids are 8 and 6 - these clues will be a fun and age appropriate challenge for them. I look forward to seeing how this tradition will grow in the depth of clues and fun over the years to come. I plan to use this for a group or individual gift every year.):
We will begin with a package addressed to both of my big kids. They will open the gift and find a heart with LOVE written across it - the clue will read: "John 3:16, 'For God so loved the world that He GAVE His one and only Son...' All of the gifts you receive are a reminder of God's best gift of all - His love. He loved us SO much that He sent us His Son. For clue #2 find the baby doll wearing the next clue.
Clue #2 The baby - 1John 3:16 "We know what real love is because Christ GAVE up His life for us." Thank you Jesus for giving us your sacrifice on the cross. You chose to die for me! To find clue #3 find the green wreath.
Clue #3 The wreath on the front door - The wreath is a circle to remind us of God's FOREVER love for us. There is no beginning and no end. The green reminds us of eternal life. For clue #4 go find the lamp near the star.
Clue #4 The lamp - The lamp reminds us that Jesus is the Light of the world and we too are the light of the world. Every minute of every day we choose to let our light shine or not. The light that the shepherds saw shining over baby Jesus was a BRIGHT light in the surrounding darkness. We too shine brightly when we choose to let Jesus shine through us. The light showed the shepherds where to go - Jesus does this for us today and we can share that light with those around us. For clue #5 find a fruit-full place.
Clue #5 The fruit - 'If I stay in Jesus, I will have much fruit.' Our fruitful place is through the gifts of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law." If we follow the example that Jesus gave us - if we say, 'Yes!' to Father God and if we say, 'No!' to our enemy - we too will bear much fruit. Fruit takes time to grow and it is hard work - but it is good when the fruit arrives! The more fruit we see in our life the more blessed our days will be. Gifts from God are always a blessing - and now you are ready to find your hidden treasure. Go back to school. (Our gift will be in our school room.)
I hope you enjoy this beautiful and God-given idea I happened upon. Do feel free to 'borrow' this - if you are so inclined. I know that I am so excited, wondering how this will grow with our family. I LOVE that it will ground them from all of the excitement and redirect the focus. I will not be reading them a story for the millionth time, although I will continue to read stories to them, but they will likely keep this memory much longer than any story I have read to them. I have been desperate for a window to pour truth into and I found one. I look forward to seeing the fruit these truths will bear. Blessings and Merry Christmas - from the MorningSong family!! :)
So - back to my point. This year we purchased a gift for the kids that is a little large and will live in the basement. It would not be 'under' the tree and I kept wondering how I would manage to draw them to the gift without saying, 'OH, I think something is missing," or such. Then it hit me - a treasure hunt. But what would I do to make it fun? Hmmmm.... It was then I had a HUGE light bulb moment - I realized what a FUN and truly memorable way to focus all of the gifts back to Christ - the treasure hunt could be the final gift and the redirect for their hearts.
So here is a glimpse at our TREASURE hunt to come (My kids are 8 and 6 - these clues will be a fun and age appropriate challenge for them. I look forward to seeing how this tradition will grow in the depth of clues and fun over the years to come. I plan to use this for a group or individual gift every year.):
We will begin with a package addressed to both of my big kids. They will open the gift and find a heart with LOVE written across it - the clue will read: "John 3:16, 'For God so loved the world that He GAVE His one and only Son...' All of the gifts you receive are a reminder of God's best gift of all - His love. He loved us SO much that He sent us His Son. For clue #2 find the baby doll wearing the next clue.
Clue #2 The baby - 1John 3:16 "We know what real love is because Christ GAVE up His life for us." Thank you Jesus for giving us your sacrifice on the cross. You chose to die for me! To find clue #3 find the green wreath.
Clue #3 The wreath on the front door - The wreath is a circle to remind us of God's FOREVER love for us. There is no beginning and no end. The green reminds us of eternal life. For clue #4 go find the lamp near the star.
Clue #4 The lamp - The lamp reminds us that Jesus is the Light of the world and we too are the light of the world. Every minute of every day we choose to let our light shine or not. The light that the shepherds saw shining over baby Jesus was a BRIGHT light in the surrounding darkness. We too shine brightly when we choose to let Jesus shine through us. The light showed the shepherds where to go - Jesus does this for us today and we can share that light with those around us. For clue #5 find a fruit-full place.
Clue #5 The fruit - 'If I stay in Jesus, I will have much fruit.' Our fruitful place is through the gifts of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law." If we follow the example that Jesus gave us - if we say, 'Yes!' to Father God and if we say, 'No!' to our enemy - we too will bear much fruit. Fruit takes time to grow and it is hard work - but it is good when the fruit arrives! The more fruit we see in our life the more blessed our days will be. Gifts from God are always a blessing - and now you are ready to find your hidden treasure. Go back to school. (Our gift will be in our school room.)
I hope you enjoy this beautiful and God-given idea I happened upon. Do feel free to 'borrow' this - if you are so inclined. I know that I am so excited, wondering how this will grow with our family. I LOVE that it will ground them from all of the excitement and redirect the focus. I will not be reading them a story for the millionth time, although I will continue to read stories to them, but they will likely keep this memory much longer than any story I have read to them. I have been desperate for a window to pour truth into and I found one. I look forward to seeing the fruit these truths will bear. Blessings and Merry Christmas - from the MorningSong family!! :)
Monday, April 18, 2011
Falling Forward
I am becoming more and more thankful for ears to hear and eyes to see! I have become keenly aware of how often I have lacked those two vital tools as I have journeyed through my life. Thank you God for your wisdom! What a different journey it is when we are found looking for and listening for your still small voice.
I have gone through many growth spurts in my 38 years on this earth. Many of them being ordinary changes all children, pre-teens and teenagers go through. As a young adult, the learning was more consequential and yet I loved that part because it felt more real and more personal. It was during that season that I began a genuine relationship with God versus the arms length knowing about Him. As a newlywed and young married woman, I was a big ole mess. There is nothing worse than 'thinking' you know better and only finding out how much you do not know - that was my story. I made a mess of much - it has been the falling forward sort of growth spurts. I couldn't quite grasp my footing and yet I knew that I knew that I knew!
As a new Mom - I was humbled and my world was turned upside down and my life changed beyond what I thought was humanly possible - and that wild ride hasn't stopped since! It took us 4 years to become pregnant and the joy of finally being pregnant can not be put into words. My darling daughter was an answer to prayers on MANY levels. She brought a new meaning to life - it was beyond good!! With a 9 month old baby girl on my hip, and the joy of Motherhood BURSTING within me, we found we were pregnant with our 2nd treasure - a son! The moment he breathed his first breath, my world was exploding with joy once again. We were finding our way yet again. He was so easy - that was evident from the first. My precious girl - she LIVES and she lives big! I adore that about her and yet her big approach to life often left me a wreck. I began to believe the lie that 'we just don't get one another'. As a toddler, I couldn't reign her in - she took me to levels of uncertainty that I never knew I could feel. I believed the lie more and more each day.
I feared the lie and I began to shut down a little more and more in fear that she would reject me - it already seemed she had. The fear of her not loving/wanting me was too much to bear. She would bond well with ANY friend I had that had a teacher background. They would just 'get her', it seemed effortless - it tore me in two. I kept them close by to watch them with her - in hopes of 'seeing' what they saw and I could not. How did they 'get her'? What am I missing? I want to know her like that - and then it would cause strife within me towards that friend. Now it 'seemed' she liked them more than me. Jealousy! Jealous for my daughter's love and yet - her love was never lost. She wasn't rejecting me - I was pushing her back out of fear that she would reject me. DUMB! DUMB! DUMB! Hindsight is 20/20 - this truth breaks my heart. Why would I believe such a DUMB lie!?! I hate that I did.
Thank GOD that when she was about 5 and a half, God woke me up! He showed me how I had begun to push her away. He showed me how to embrace her again. He showed me that even when she is pushing me away - she's not - she wants me to keep pursuing her heart. I'm learning she is much like me. I've engaged again and we've blossomed into a beautiful relationship. Sadly, my teacher friendships had to become distanced while I was forced into this reality of truth and I am thankful those friends remain close now. I am thankful for the lessons learned and yet the minute my daughter and I have a hiccup - my first instinct is to panic, my fears rise up again and again.
We are now, April 2011, entering the 'pre-teen' phase of life. My daughter is 7 and a half now, and I was caught off guard once again with these fears I've faced more times than I can count. Even though we have made quantum leaps of progress during these last 2 years, I am still brought to my knees when she goes through a developmental change. I used to be foolish enough to think 'my daughter and I just butt heads, we crash into the journey of life'. I now see the truth. I have eyes to see. I crash into growing as a Mother.
My precious girl is a beautiful, loving and kind girl who is just going through the normal stages of growing up. I find comfort in the current stage of the moment because I can predict how to reason with her or draw her towards the end goal. When she is 'suddenly' at the threshold of a new stage of growing up, I panic and I react. I see the hurdle, fear the worst, REACT to my imagined fears. This is what happened when she recently began showing slight, and I do mean slight, mood swings. I began to worry that I had been a horrible Mother thus far and didn't properly equip her for this stage. I began to try and force her into my box of comfort. It becomes a matter of control versus leading her in the way she should go. What a self-inflicted mess I create!? I am learning to seek God more quickly each time we come to these new growth spurts. I am thankful this latest reality, understanding and embracing of change only took me a few weeks to see truth. We didn't lose years or months - just a few weeks. Oh how I wish it would have been only mere minutes and yet - it is what it is.
What a gift truth is! What a treasure growing and learning is! May I enter and journey through this next season, with my precious girl, with grace. May my footing be steady, because I am standing on truth. May I be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry! If I model this for my children, I will bear much fruit! This time, I am finding it so very important to have ears to hear the heart beat of our home. Are there enough quiet times to hear that vital sound or are the cares of each day and the moments of chaos silencing that precious melody? God help me seek you more readily, before I panic and react out of my own fears. May I reach for YOU and may I stop reaching for control. I release my self, my agenda, and my family to you again. I choose to live with arms wide open - not with a grip grasping the reigns trying to force learning. I choose Your way! Give me Your strength, Your wisdom and Your understanding... I pray!
(On a side note - From her age of 2 until about 5 I was in my own personal spiral of sorts - but that does not justify my allowing the distance between us to grow. From about age 3 and a half to 5 I missed big opportunities to grow towards my precious girl. I know if life had been more stable for our family during those years that our journey of distance would have been far less drastic. I have to remind myself of this fact - I tend to call myself 'guilty' on matters like this and I have to remember that no one is perfect. I am forever grateful to my Father God for these lessons learned while my precious girl was still little. She was far too young to have allowed these hurts to truly cause harm to our relationship longterm. He provides a way of escape when we seek Him. There is no quick fix - He sees the root of the problem and gently leads, not drags, us toward the way of escape. We choose to do the work or we go our own way. I am SO thankful, beyond words, that He helped me - and continues to help me, overcome these battles with fear. He is good ALL the time! He is faithful ALL the time! This had to be said.)
I have gone through many growth spurts in my 38 years on this earth. Many of them being ordinary changes all children, pre-teens and teenagers go through. As a young adult, the learning was more consequential and yet I loved that part because it felt more real and more personal. It was during that season that I began a genuine relationship with God versus the arms length knowing about Him. As a newlywed and young married woman, I was a big ole mess. There is nothing worse than 'thinking' you know better and only finding out how much you do not know - that was my story. I made a mess of much - it has been the falling forward sort of growth spurts. I couldn't quite grasp my footing and yet I knew that I knew that I knew!
As a new Mom - I was humbled and my world was turned upside down and my life changed beyond what I thought was humanly possible - and that wild ride hasn't stopped since! It took us 4 years to become pregnant and the joy of finally being pregnant can not be put into words. My darling daughter was an answer to prayers on MANY levels. She brought a new meaning to life - it was beyond good!! With a 9 month old baby girl on my hip, and the joy of Motherhood BURSTING within me, we found we were pregnant with our 2nd treasure - a son! The moment he breathed his first breath, my world was exploding with joy once again. We were finding our way yet again. He was so easy - that was evident from the first. My precious girl - she LIVES and she lives big! I adore that about her and yet her big approach to life often left me a wreck. I began to believe the lie that 'we just don't get one another'. As a toddler, I couldn't reign her in - she took me to levels of uncertainty that I never knew I could feel. I believed the lie more and more each day.
I feared the lie and I began to shut down a little more and more in fear that she would reject me - it already seemed she had. The fear of her not loving/wanting me was too much to bear. She would bond well with ANY friend I had that had a teacher background. They would just 'get her', it seemed effortless - it tore me in two. I kept them close by to watch them with her - in hopes of 'seeing' what they saw and I could not. How did they 'get her'? What am I missing? I want to know her like that - and then it would cause strife within me towards that friend. Now it 'seemed' she liked them more than me. Jealousy! Jealous for my daughter's love and yet - her love was never lost. She wasn't rejecting me - I was pushing her back out of fear that she would reject me. DUMB! DUMB! DUMB! Hindsight is 20/20 - this truth breaks my heart. Why would I believe such a DUMB lie!?! I hate that I did.
Thank GOD that when she was about 5 and a half, God woke me up! He showed me how I had begun to push her away. He showed me how to embrace her again. He showed me that even when she is pushing me away - she's not - she wants me to keep pursuing her heart. I'm learning she is much like me. I've engaged again and we've blossomed into a beautiful relationship. Sadly, my teacher friendships had to become distanced while I was forced into this reality of truth and I am thankful those friends remain close now. I am thankful for the lessons learned and yet the minute my daughter and I have a hiccup - my first instinct is to panic, my fears rise up again and again.
We are now, April 2011, entering the 'pre-teen' phase of life. My daughter is 7 and a half now, and I was caught off guard once again with these fears I've faced more times than I can count. Even though we have made quantum leaps of progress during these last 2 years, I am still brought to my knees when she goes through a developmental change. I used to be foolish enough to think 'my daughter and I just butt heads, we crash into the journey of life'. I now see the truth. I have eyes to see. I crash into growing as a Mother.
My precious girl is a beautiful, loving and kind girl who is just going through the normal stages of growing up. I find comfort in the current stage of the moment because I can predict how to reason with her or draw her towards the end goal. When she is 'suddenly' at the threshold of a new stage of growing up, I panic and I react. I see the hurdle, fear the worst, REACT to my imagined fears. This is what happened when she recently began showing slight, and I do mean slight, mood swings. I began to worry that I had been a horrible Mother thus far and didn't properly equip her for this stage. I began to try and force her into my box of comfort. It becomes a matter of control versus leading her in the way she should go. What a self-inflicted mess I create!? I am learning to seek God more quickly each time we come to these new growth spurts. I am thankful this latest reality, understanding and embracing of change only took me a few weeks to see truth. We didn't lose years or months - just a few weeks. Oh how I wish it would have been only mere minutes and yet - it is what it is.
What a gift truth is! What a treasure growing and learning is! May I enter and journey through this next season, with my precious girl, with grace. May my footing be steady, because I am standing on truth. May I be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry! If I model this for my children, I will bear much fruit! This time, I am finding it so very important to have ears to hear the heart beat of our home. Are there enough quiet times to hear that vital sound or are the cares of each day and the moments of chaos silencing that precious melody? God help me seek you more readily, before I panic and react out of my own fears. May I reach for YOU and may I stop reaching for control. I release my self, my agenda, and my family to you again. I choose to live with arms wide open - not with a grip grasping the reigns trying to force learning. I choose Your way! Give me Your strength, Your wisdom and Your understanding... I pray!
(On a side note - From her age of 2 until about 5 I was in my own personal spiral of sorts - but that does not justify my allowing the distance between us to grow. From about age 3 and a half to 5 I missed big opportunities to grow towards my precious girl. I know if life had been more stable for our family during those years that our journey of distance would have been far less drastic. I have to remind myself of this fact - I tend to call myself 'guilty' on matters like this and I have to remember that no one is perfect. I am forever grateful to my Father God for these lessons learned while my precious girl was still little. She was far too young to have allowed these hurts to truly cause harm to our relationship longterm. He provides a way of escape when we seek Him. There is no quick fix - He sees the root of the problem and gently leads, not drags, us toward the way of escape. We choose to do the work or we go our own way. I am SO thankful, beyond words, that He helped me - and continues to help me, overcome these battles with fear. He is good ALL the time! He is faithful ALL the time! This had to be said.)
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I have a question! :)
I've been thinking about the fact that most of my life I have dreaded questions. If a question would arise - I would be on a mission to find and answer. Questions were not welcome. Questions reveal my incompetancy. Questions reveal what I do not know. Questions reveal I need help. Who wants to have questions lurking about?!
Answers were much better to me. Answers mean I know what to do. Answers mean I can predict what to expect - the whole 'if then' world. Answers - I liked answers. Answers brought comfort, a sense of knowing. Yes, answers were much better!
I now see how flawed those thoughts are. I now see, when I wish away the pondering of my own heart, that I fool myself into a false comfort. The false comfort is that I am in control. But that is not even a true statement. It means I think I can handle this, therefore I do not need anyone and so I stop looking for answers. It also means that once I find the answer that sits well with me - I am happy with that and so I stop looking. Answers mean I hurriedly and frantically began searching for an answer and probably missed many necessary lessons along the way. Many times I believe I would have the question arise and I would have a pre-determined answer I wanted to find and if I had even a gentle nudge in that direction I would be thrilled and settle on having 'found' an answer. It is ridiculous to me now.
A question though. Wow! How many, many years did I cheat myself of that gift?! A question means there is a dialogue. A question means communication with Him, as I seek Him more regarding the unknown at hand. A question is a mystery. A question is luring me toward Him more. A question means - I need Him. A question means - I cannot live without Him. Embracing my questions of the heart is beautiful. It allows me to find answers that are true - the real answers. Not due to my striving to fill in the blank with an answer, but due to my knowing He cares enough to communicate with me and stir my heart toward Him again.
Questions reveal weakness and yet I see the strength in resting in the question. Requiring answers reveals self-reliance. We must have an answer because the unknown produces fear. If we cannot rest in Him, fear of the unknown takes over. We feel the urge to know what to expect, so that we are not caught off guard in future situations. We want to know what to expect so that we
Answers were much better to me. Answers mean I know what to do. Answers mean I can predict what to expect - the whole 'if then' world. Answers - I liked answers. Answers brought comfort, a sense of knowing. Yes, answers were much better!
I now see how flawed those thoughts are. I now see, when I wish away the pondering of my own heart, that I fool myself into a false comfort. The false comfort is that I am in control. But that is not even a true statement. It means I think I can handle this, therefore I do not need anyone and so I stop looking for answers. It also means that once I find the answer that sits well with me - I am happy with that and so I stop looking. Answers mean I hurriedly and frantically began searching for an answer and probably missed many necessary lessons along the way. Many times I believe I would have the question arise and I would have a pre-determined answer I wanted to find and if I had even a gentle nudge in that direction I would be thrilled and settle on having 'found' an answer. It is ridiculous to me now.
A question though. Wow! How many, many years did I cheat myself of that gift?! A question means there is a dialogue. A question means communication with Him, as I seek Him more regarding the unknown at hand. A question is a mystery. A question is luring me toward Him more. A question means - I need Him. A question means - I cannot live without Him. Embracing my questions of the heart is beautiful. It allows me to find answers that are true - the real answers. Not due to my striving to fill in the blank with an answer, but due to my knowing He cares enough to communicate with me and stir my heart toward Him again.
Questions reveal weakness and yet I see the strength in resting in the question. Requiring answers reveals self-reliance. We must have an answer because the unknown produces fear. If we cannot rest in Him, fear of the unknown takes over. We feel the urge to know what to expect, so that we are not caught off guard in future situations. We want to know what to expect so that we
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
She Said God Said What?
After my last post, I was reminded of that Friends episode where Rachel is pregnant and she and Ross are seeing the baby on ultrasound for the first time. The tech shows her the baby and they look so amazed, the tech leaves and Rachel begins to cry. Ross asks her what is wrong and she says 'I don't see it.'. She could not see the baby on the screen. She felt that she was already failing as a Mom. Well, that is what came to mind and I thought - it may not be crystal clear how I 'heard God' regarding the chaos described in my last post. So here I go trying to connect dots.
I would have to say, it usually begins with a question for me. I am going along my happy way when a question will rise up within my heart. A question regarding things I long stopped pondering. Something I thought I was crystal clear on. Then without warning a question would rise regarding that very matter. There is no rhyme or reason - just suddenly I am unclear about that matter. It ends with me wondering "What does God think about this? Am I pursuing Him in this area of my life or am I doing what 'they' say I should?". I begin to look for how I came to the conclusions I've based my assumptions on and I look for God to answer me.
I would have to say that having questions at all has been a journey of sorts. I like to have answers, not questions. Over the last 3 or so years I have come to embrace any and all questions in my life. Before I felt so unsure and weak, if I had a question within, now I know that if I have an internal question rise up - I am on a journey to my answer. He is pursuing my heart in that matter. He wants me to find the answer in this area. That has brought me loads of joy, knowing I am not a mess - by having a question - and He is pursuing my heart.... again. {Swoon}
So, regarding my last post, this question rose up for me in November of 2009. My questions are not always answered right away - the question usually directs my focus to the area I need to be mindful of as I journey on. This question began to stir up "Why do I believe blah, blah, blah? What do I base this foundational truth on, God's prompting or the 'they' said so? What does God have to say about this?". Then I am off and running.
This particular inner question began in November 2009. I have my question - so now what? I used to feel panic, when the question would rise, now it brings a sense of settling and knowing all is well. He is my tour guide now, I just need to remain alert to when He brings truth regarding this matter. I need to seek now. I must remain alert and be intentional. I won't just find truth lying around - truth must be sought.
I have learned that seeking truth is not a striving job - it is a job you do at rest in Him. Sure, you can strive on the seeking journey - it just isn't freeing nor is it fun. Seeking, while striving, is in YOUR strength. Seeking, while resting, is like a scavenger hunt. You know you need to be aware but you never know when you will happen upon a clue. You must remain awake enough to notice that He is stirring your attention to His answers. You could walk right past a vital clue in the mysteries of God. Remaining alert is necessary - striving is not. If you are striving you may miss the gift because it seems too simple. At rest, you see the gift clearly because you are not overcomplicating things. You are enjoying the ride.
I was enjoying the ride when suddenly the 'aha' moment on Sunday triggered a hot spot of anxiety in me. I could have misunderstood that 'anxiety' was a clue to my truth IF I were busy striving. In striving we often feel pressure to perform. Pressure to know the answer. At rest, when anxiety rises up - it is a foreign feeling - not a part of the every day. So my anxiety was a clue that something wasn't right. The something that wasn't right was that Satan was taking a former offense and twisting my perspective.
The Pastor was simply declaring an obvious and undeniable truth, one that I agreed with fully; and I was hearing 'they want you to be bound like before again, see... this is how church is.... see they want blah, blah, blah'. The thought was a perversion of the truth. The thought was twisting the message - just like the old serpent did to Eve. Twisting the words of God to make it sound like a punishment instead of a precious gift. Luring me into the area of isolating or offense. Had I taken the bait, like I am guilty of time after time, I would not have been left as a worthless cause. God would have patiently waited for me to be ready for the truth again and He would have revealed truth again. But thankfully I have been resting on this journey, and not striving, so I am able to tell the difference between a lie and truth. The lie was an awfully good one too. I had seen the 'theys' of life stand wholly on this perverted truth and say 'thus sayeth the Lord' many times. But this Pastor was not, he was quoting the Bible and bringing simple clarity. It could not be denied.
This explains how I attribute the chaos that ensued on Sunday as the voice of God. God's voice was revealing truth, Satan was perverting it, I was left to choose what I would choose to see. Thankfully my rest revealed what was glaringly obvious, God was still offering me the path to freedom. He was confirming that very fact. The lunch afterwards was just a whammy to further the feeling of panic and being trapped. It was an attack. Full blown warfare. That is what spiritual warfare looks like, at least that is what I've learned along the way. It seems like an ordinary bad day - but all the while you are confirming or rejecting 'truths' you've long accepted as 'truth'. Only by the grace of God do we come out of the matter stronger and more free than when we began.
I would have to say, it usually begins with a question for me. I am going along my happy way when a question will rise up within my heart. A question regarding things I long stopped pondering. Something I thought I was crystal clear on. Then without warning a question would rise regarding that very matter. There is no rhyme or reason - just suddenly I am unclear about that matter. It ends with me wondering "What does God think about this? Am I pursuing Him in this area of my life or am I doing what 'they' say I should?". I begin to look for how I came to the conclusions I've based my assumptions on and I look for God to answer me.
I would have to say that having questions at all has been a journey of sorts. I like to have answers, not questions. Over the last 3 or so years I have come to embrace any and all questions in my life. Before I felt so unsure and weak, if I had a question within, now I know that if I have an internal question rise up - I am on a journey to my answer. He is pursuing my heart in that matter. He wants me to find the answer in this area. That has brought me loads of joy, knowing I am not a mess - by having a question - and He is pursuing my heart.... again. {Swoon}
So, regarding my last post, this question rose up for me in November of 2009. My questions are not always answered right away - the question usually directs my focus to the area I need to be mindful of as I journey on. This question began to stir up "Why do I believe blah, blah, blah? What do I base this foundational truth on, God's prompting or the 'they' said so? What does God have to say about this?". Then I am off and running.
This particular inner question began in November 2009. I have my question - so now what? I used to feel panic, when the question would rise, now it brings a sense of settling and knowing all is well. He is my tour guide now, I just need to remain alert to when He brings truth regarding this matter. I need to seek now. I must remain alert and be intentional. I won't just find truth lying around - truth must be sought.
I have learned that seeking truth is not a striving job - it is a job you do at rest in Him. Sure, you can strive on the seeking journey - it just isn't freeing nor is it fun. Seeking, while striving, is in YOUR strength. Seeking, while resting, is like a scavenger hunt. You know you need to be aware but you never know when you will happen upon a clue. You must remain awake enough to notice that He is stirring your attention to His answers. You could walk right past a vital clue in the mysteries of God. Remaining alert is necessary - striving is not. If you are striving you may miss the gift because it seems too simple. At rest, you see the gift clearly because you are not overcomplicating things. You are enjoying the ride.
I was enjoying the ride when suddenly the 'aha' moment on Sunday triggered a hot spot of anxiety in me. I could have misunderstood that 'anxiety' was a clue to my truth IF I were busy striving. In striving we often feel pressure to perform. Pressure to know the answer. At rest, when anxiety rises up - it is a foreign feeling - not a part of the every day. So my anxiety was a clue that something wasn't right. The something that wasn't right was that Satan was taking a former offense and twisting my perspective.
The Pastor was simply declaring an obvious and undeniable truth, one that I agreed with fully; and I was hearing 'they want you to be bound like before again, see... this is how church is.... see they want blah, blah, blah'. The thought was a perversion of the truth. The thought was twisting the message - just like the old serpent did to Eve. Twisting the words of God to make it sound like a punishment instead of a precious gift. Luring me into the area of isolating or offense. Had I taken the bait, like I am guilty of time after time, I would not have been left as a worthless cause. God would have patiently waited for me to be ready for the truth again and He would have revealed truth again. But thankfully I have been resting on this journey, and not striving, so I am able to tell the difference between a lie and truth. The lie was an awfully good one too. I had seen the 'theys' of life stand wholly on this perverted truth and say 'thus sayeth the Lord' many times. But this Pastor was not, he was quoting the Bible and bringing simple clarity. It could not be denied.
This explains how I attribute the chaos that ensued on Sunday as the voice of God. God's voice was revealing truth, Satan was perverting it, I was left to choose what I would choose to see. Thankfully my rest revealed what was glaringly obvious, God was still offering me the path to freedom. He was confirming that very fact. The lunch afterwards was just a whammy to further the feeling of panic and being trapped. It was an attack. Full blown warfare. That is what spiritual warfare looks like, at least that is what I've learned along the way. It seems like an ordinary bad day - but all the while you are confirming or rejecting 'truths' you've long accepted as 'truth'. Only by the grace of God do we come out of the matter stronger and more free than when we began.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
God's Still Small Voice
How do I 'sense' God or how do I 'hear' Him? Here's a great example: This past Sunday was so lovely... for a bit. The day started off right, we even left on time. We arrived, and rather than my husband and I both going our separate ways to bring the kids to class and clumsily finding one another in the sanctuary, we had time to escort the kids to class, meet in the hallway and walk in together, we sat down for a minute before things began. This Sunday was off and running and I was feeling good.
Worship began and you could feel joy bubbling up in the air - almost a heartbeat pulse of something stirring. I felt good - it was pleasant. Then as they began singing a slower song - I felt a peaceful change. A peace was now in the air. It was lovely. It was refreshing. It was empowering. Then worship ended and I was ready for the message to begin. As they began their fun announcements, and they were FUNNY, I was feeling like this was going to be a GOOD day.
The announcements were finished. Time for the Word. The Pastor begins his message - I am getting aha moments left and right and I am writing notes to remind myself of what God is showing me as I am trying to process the message. The Pastor is speaking to the very questions I've had on my heart for many years. I'm writing, agreeing and getting it and yet I feel offended. It is all of a sudden and I am thinking - "What is this about?". I am still enjoying the process of gleaning and understanding a passage that has long confused my feeble mind, I am feeling excited to have more clarity and... I don't like it too. It is a slight annoyance rising up. The service ends, I'm still holding onto my happy feelings and yet my 'I am annoyed' radar is rising by the minute.
We leave the church, all are a twitter with good reports, we discuss lunch as we pull out of the parking lot. Annoyance radar is hitting a higher level by the minute and yet I KNOW this is ridiculous and clearly an attack on my mind. I do not get it. Why? Why am I so annoyed?! Annoyance radar is rising. Kids are talking, husband is asking what I want for dinner for the 900th time - without suggesting 1 thing, I roll down the window - I am feeling cornered. I am feeling panicked. I am feeling ANNOYED! WHY AM I SO ANNOYED?! HOW ANNOYING!
We finally decide on a destination. I pull myself together. Peace returns, orders made, drinking our teas and such, eating our appetizer.... ready to enjoy my family when..... THEY walk in. The family with 4 SCREECHING children, who sit directly behind me and the parents aren't parenting - they are bickering. I am trying to be good. Trying to be kind.. trying to NOT be ANNOYED..... I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed at this family AND I'm annoyed that I cannot breathe for the fact that their screeches are causing my ears to throb in pain. The waitress brings our meal - yes! We are nearly done - we can escape this torture chamber... when..... I ASKED FOR NO BACON. Send it back and tell her not to bring anything else - I NEED to get out of here. I NEED to get out of here. Panic is all around me and I KNOW this is an attack on my peace and yet I cannot shake the feelings of annoyance. I am completely composed, but like a tea pot on the stove, I need a release valve. We are ready for the check and the waitress brings my correct order - AGHHHH! We pay, take my food to go and I am on major internal stress mode now.
We go home and I go to my room to be alone. Now I cannot even enjoy my family for the torture of these strangers. I am mad at my husband for not rescuing us. I am mad at those people for being in public. I am mad at myself for being mad. I am MAD!
Monday afternoon it hits me. There was a point the Pastor made on Sunday that I heard and although I understood his point, I felt a bit annoyed by his point. I agreed with his point and yet I have issues with it - due to my life experiences and so I felt he was shackling me to a very area I felt God was freeing me from. I know the Pastor was not doing that, nor was he saying I needed to be bound in the area God was providing freedom for me and yet my mind could not shake that feeling of being imprisoned in that area again. Then I go to eat and I feel there is no escape from the chaos that abounds and then I'm mad at my husband for not protecting me from all this strife. It was clearly ordinary misfortune but my internal dialogue was growing these matters by the millisecond.
Monday evening I had clarity - this was all the result of anxiety being triggered. Anxiety is a root of fear. Fear is not from God and thus - it wasn't His message or demand on me. It was an area that I am working on and I couldn't stop the internal dialogue that is triggered when I 'feel' like someone is trying to trap me into doing something I do not want to do. I am seeking God on how He wants me to participate in these areas and I have been at rest thus far. I've been taking baby steps forward in this area - to trust Him in this matter and yet hoping I am following His nudge and not my own agenda.
I feel like a toddler - wobbling in this matter of the heart. Like the littlest thing can startle me and I am wobbling or running faster than my feet can take me and I collapse. I skin my knee, bump my head, scratch my hands - want to cry, NEED help... all because I am learning to walk in this place with the Lord again. Walking with Him and not being the people pleaser. Listening for where He says I should spend my gifts, and not where there are gaping holes. Hearing a Word of truth, one that I agreed with, somehow triggered me to take on responsibilities - internally - that were not even real and caused me to feel completely taken advantage of.
This is not reasonable nor real - and yet this is how it works. Truth is spoken every day that we can agree with but for some reason we can then have a really strong reaction to the matter and react, based on our internal dialogue versus what is really said. I ended Monday with revelation. Once again I'm at the place in my life where I must display my trust in Him. Trust is an ever-growing journey. We never arrive, we are always needing to trust Him anew.
We may feel so strong in our faith in God today and tomorrow we are faced with a moment to trust Him again and find ourselves feeble and unsure. Trust may be strong in much of our life and yet one area may cause us to trip up every time. He wants to develop trust in that area. It is OK for us to wobble - He knows this is a toddler moment for us. He knows we cannot walk fully in this area yet. But He wants to encourage us along the road. Fear has no place with Him. It is always about 'Do I trust Him with my heart regarding x-thing?'. The 'x-thing' is different every time and we need to keep stepping forward, and at times - we fall flat on our faces. But that is OK, He is expecting it and just as we are with our toddlers - we don't shout at them for falling. We gently pick them up, console them and urge them to try again as we enthusiastically call their name and say 'you can do this'. So is our Father with us. He is gentle, encouraging, nurturing and rooting for us. And so, I am aware of what Sunday was about, really, and I can now stand back up and take a few steps forward again. Who knows - I may fall flat on my face again but then again... I just might take off running and not turn back. I love the adventure of growing in Him - it is never dull. Thank you Father for always lifting me back up when I fall flat on my face.
Worship began and you could feel joy bubbling up in the air - almost a heartbeat pulse of something stirring. I felt good - it was pleasant. Then as they began singing a slower song - I felt a peaceful change. A peace was now in the air. It was lovely. It was refreshing. It was empowering. Then worship ended and I was ready for the message to begin. As they began their fun announcements, and they were FUNNY, I was feeling like this was going to be a GOOD day.
The announcements were finished. Time for the Word. The Pastor begins his message - I am getting aha moments left and right and I am writing notes to remind myself of what God is showing me as I am trying to process the message. The Pastor is speaking to the very questions I've had on my heart for many years. I'm writing, agreeing and getting it and yet I feel offended. It is all of a sudden and I am thinking - "What is this about?". I am still enjoying the process of gleaning and understanding a passage that has long confused my feeble mind, I am feeling excited to have more clarity and... I don't like it too. It is a slight annoyance rising up. The service ends, I'm still holding onto my happy feelings and yet my 'I am annoyed' radar is rising by the minute.
We leave the church, all are a twitter with good reports, we discuss lunch as we pull out of the parking lot. Annoyance radar is hitting a higher level by the minute and yet I KNOW this is ridiculous and clearly an attack on my mind. I do not get it. Why? Why am I so annoyed?! Annoyance radar is rising. Kids are talking, husband is asking what I want for dinner for the 900th time - without suggesting 1 thing, I roll down the window - I am feeling cornered. I am feeling panicked. I am feeling ANNOYED! WHY AM I SO ANNOYED?! HOW ANNOYING!
We finally decide on a destination. I pull myself together. Peace returns, orders made, drinking our teas and such, eating our appetizer.... ready to enjoy my family when..... THEY walk in. The family with 4 SCREECHING children, who sit directly behind me and the parents aren't parenting - they are bickering. I am trying to be good. Trying to be kind.. trying to NOT be ANNOYED..... I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed at this family AND I'm annoyed that I cannot breathe for the fact that their screeches are causing my ears to throb in pain. The waitress brings our meal - yes! We are nearly done - we can escape this torture chamber... when..... I ASKED FOR NO BACON. Send it back and tell her not to bring anything else - I NEED to get out of here. I NEED to get out of here. Panic is all around me and I KNOW this is an attack on my peace and yet I cannot shake the feelings of annoyance. I am completely composed, but like a tea pot on the stove, I need a release valve. We are ready for the check and the waitress brings my correct order - AGHHHH! We pay, take my food to go and I am on major internal stress mode now.
We go home and I go to my room to be alone. Now I cannot even enjoy my family for the torture of these strangers. I am mad at my husband for not rescuing us. I am mad at those people for being in public. I am mad at myself for being mad. I am MAD!
Monday afternoon it hits me. There was a point the Pastor made on Sunday that I heard and although I understood his point, I felt a bit annoyed by his point. I agreed with his point and yet I have issues with it - due to my life experiences and so I felt he was shackling me to a very area I felt God was freeing me from. I know the Pastor was not doing that, nor was he saying I needed to be bound in the area God was providing freedom for me and yet my mind could not shake that feeling of being imprisoned in that area again. Then I go to eat and I feel there is no escape from the chaos that abounds and then I'm mad at my husband for not protecting me from all this strife. It was clearly ordinary misfortune but my internal dialogue was growing these matters by the millisecond.
Monday evening I had clarity - this was all the result of anxiety being triggered. Anxiety is a root of fear. Fear is not from God and thus - it wasn't His message or demand on me. It was an area that I am working on and I couldn't stop the internal dialogue that is triggered when I 'feel' like someone is trying to trap me into doing something I do not want to do. I am seeking God on how He wants me to participate in these areas and I have been at rest thus far. I've been taking baby steps forward in this area - to trust Him in this matter and yet hoping I am following His nudge and not my own agenda.
I feel like a toddler - wobbling in this matter of the heart. Like the littlest thing can startle me and I am wobbling or running faster than my feet can take me and I collapse. I skin my knee, bump my head, scratch my hands - want to cry, NEED help... all because I am learning to walk in this place with the Lord again. Walking with Him and not being the people pleaser. Listening for where He says I should spend my gifts, and not where there are gaping holes. Hearing a Word of truth, one that I agreed with, somehow triggered me to take on responsibilities - internally - that were not even real and caused me to feel completely taken advantage of.
This is not reasonable nor real - and yet this is how it works. Truth is spoken every day that we can agree with but for some reason we can then have a really strong reaction to the matter and react, based on our internal dialogue versus what is really said. I ended Monday with revelation. Once again I'm at the place in my life where I must display my trust in Him. Trust is an ever-growing journey. We never arrive, we are always needing to trust Him anew.
We may feel so strong in our faith in God today and tomorrow we are faced with a moment to trust Him again and find ourselves feeble and unsure. Trust may be strong in much of our life and yet one area may cause us to trip up every time. He wants to develop trust in that area. It is OK for us to wobble - He knows this is a toddler moment for us. He knows we cannot walk fully in this area yet. But He wants to encourage us along the road. Fear has no place with Him. It is always about 'Do I trust Him with my heart regarding x-thing?'. The 'x-thing' is different every time and we need to keep stepping forward, and at times - we fall flat on our faces. But that is OK, He is expecting it and just as we are with our toddlers - we don't shout at them for falling. We gently pick them up, console them and urge them to try again as we enthusiastically call their name and say 'you can do this'. So is our Father with us. He is gentle, encouraging, nurturing and rooting for us. And so, I am aware of what Sunday was about, really, and I can now stand back up and take a few steps forward again. Who knows - I may fall flat on my face again but then again... I just might take off running and not turn back. I love the adventure of growing in Him - it is never dull. Thank you Father for always lifting me back up when I fall flat on my face.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Goodness - The Great Enemy of God
One of the many 'aha' moments for me this Sunday: I never considered that God poured out, lavishly, His gifts - opportunity and blessings - to Adam and Eve, and to the Israelites, without them doing anything 1st! He built relationship with them BEFORE He gave them the law. He just poured out His goodness on them.
He gave them the law as a tool for them to see who He was. They, the Israelites, knew He was powerful because He destroyed the Egyptians in the Red Sea - but they didn't know if He was good. They asked Moses to be the go between because they feared His wrath. It wasn't until He gave them the law that they knew He was good too, not only powerful. The law is a tool for us to know where we are in our relationship with him.
He KNEW we could not meet the standard of keeping the law. That is why when He cut the covenant with Abram God passed through the covenant sacrifices (in the form of a cloud and fire -interesting detail). (Genesis 15: 17-18) When a covenant was cut - the lesser partner would normally walk between the sacrifice stating "If I do not keep this covenant, may what happened to these animals happen to me." God KNEW we could not keep the law, He KNEW we needed His grace, He knew He would have to sacrifice His Son, even then. It was His plan all along - He wasn't surprised by our failure to keep the law. He KNEW if Abram walked through the covenant agreement that would mean death for us all, we would be bound to the law. Christ was the fulfillment of the covenant. The law is meant to guide us to be more like God and is really for our good. (Galatians 3:24)
The law is now meant for us to see how far we are from where God wants us. The Israelites were not a formal group of people, a nationality, He chose them as His. They did not have a home or a standard of living - He was giving them rules for them to live together well, not rules that would allow them to go to heaven. Obeying the law helps us to display our love for one another better, it does not offer salvation. If the law offered salvation - we would not need Christ's death on the cross. The law reveals His grace to us. It is a revelation of how we can not do it on our own. He owns this covenant and He invites us to come and receive His grace - to accept Christ's body and sacrifice in the covenant. It is not about what I do. It is ALL about what He did! Eternal life is not a gift given to good people, it is a gift given to forgiven people. Goodness is the great enemy of God.
He gave them the law as a tool for them to see who He was. They, the Israelites, knew He was powerful because He destroyed the Egyptians in the Red Sea - but they didn't know if He was good. They asked Moses to be the go between because they feared His wrath. It wasn't until He gave them the law that they knew He was good too, not only powerful. The law is a tool for us to know where we are in our relationship with him.
He KNEW we could not meet the standard of keeping the law. That is why when He cut the covenant with Abram God passed through the covenant sacrifices (in the form of a cloud and fire -interesting detail). (Genesis 15: 17-18) When a covenant was cut - the lesser partner would normally walk between the sacrifice stating "If I do not keep this covenant, may what happened to these animals happen to me." God KNEW we could not keep the law, He KNEW we needed His grace, He knew He would have to sacrifice His Son, even then. It was His plan all along - He wasn't surprised by our failure to keep the law. He KNEW if Abram walked through the covenant agreement that would mean death for us all, we would be bound to the law. Christ was the fulfillment of the covenant. The law is meant to guide us to be more like God and is really for our good. (Galatians 3:24)
The law is now meant for us to see how far we are from where God wants us. The Israelites were not a formal group of people, a nationality, He chose them as His. They did not have a home or a standard of living - He was giving them rules for them to live together well, not rules that would allow them to go to heaven. Obeying the law helps us to display our love for one another better, it does not offer salvation. If the law offered salvation - we would not need Christ's death on the cross. The law reveals His grace to us. It is a revelation of how we can not do it on our own. He owns this covenant and He invites us to come and receive His grace - to accept Christ's body and sacrifice in the covenant. It is not about what I do. It is ALL about what He did! Eternal life is not a gift given to good people, it is a gift given to forgiven people. Goodness is the great enemy of God.
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