When you consider I've grown up in a 'thou shalt NOT' church, I think I've spent most of my life around those Christians who think of God's word as a tool they can use at their own discretion. As a result, I am less likely to shout you down with quotes from the Bible or with my interpretation of what the verse means. It is far more likely that I will share with you what great things God has done for me. I will likely share my before and after story and share the life lesson(s) I gleaned from that journey. I have learned the power of God's Words are more in His prompting what I say and less about how many Bible verses I can quote in a moments time.
I am all for sharing God's Word. I will quote scripture when I feel the nudge to do so. Never say never, because there are occasional miracles when I can recall a specific scripture God showed me as I learned a specific lesson. But, I am far more likely to find myself encouraging someone who has already made a decision to accept Christ than someone who is undecided or saying no. I realize my literalist mentality may not bode well for me trying to 'win' anyone over (but I am growing in this area - learning to remain open to His will and His way!) . I am black and white and see very few shades of gray. But I have learned that I am not judge so.... I keep my 'thoughts' to myself as I ask God 'What do YOU say about that? I don't know if I'm being fair here or not, so what do YOU say or what do YOU see here that I am missing?" He often gives me the glimpse of truth on the matter at hand by pointing me to an area in my life where I can see that matter more clearly. I often needed the lesson learned anyway, so..... I continue to learn.
There are those in my life who do share God's Word with all they come in contact with. I do think that is a gift too - and the ones in my life who tend to truly minister in that way are not sharing God's Word in a demeaning way, but in an uplifting way. I respect them so much more than those who seek to preach AT others. I believe that there are those who are skilled in God's word, and that gift is vital! I am not naive enough to think the way God stirs me is the only way He flows. I'm just finding freedom in the simple fact that I do not have to be anyone other than who He's called, and equipped me to be.
I do believe most have good intentions, when sharing God's word. But my journey has left me embarrassed by the 'compassionate' Christians out there at times. Some are skilled swordsmen and others are trying to share the truth and yet for some reason their sword use feels more like tossing daggers. I find myself in more of the 'duck and cover' mode when I'm around them, and not because their 'word' is ringing true but... because it seems to be a little more of their opinion than a direct quote. I feel worn out and confused by their banter.
Those who share God's word with a sincere AND humble heart - they are the true swordsmen. All the rest are either just clumsily finding their way in understanding the word or think they have it together and want to squash those who do not measure up to their own self-made standard! (And there are a select few who use God's word to justify their own goofs - they use His word to try and shut you up from stating the obvious - their mouth isn't lining up with the fruit in their life. But I digress.....) :)
Bottom line is - when someone is ministering... truly ministering - God can use any and all means to speak through them. It CAN be by you sharing the scriptures in the Bible and it CAN be by you sharing what Great and Mighty things God has done in your life. There are countless other methods God uses to minister too! The fact is, if He is the Author of the conversation - His method will perform, even if you are clueless that you've made an impact at all. There will always be Power when you say the Words HE prompts you to say. The key to it all is whether God inspires the moment for someone or if the person 'sharing' decided that so and so needs a good talking to! There is no need for a cookie-cutter method or a script. He knows the heart of the individual He is trying to stir and thus He knows the exact recipe to bring healing to their lives. When we get out of His way and let Him direct our steps, the possibilities are endless! God's ways are always higher and better and He is so amazing to keep our walk with Him exciting! He mixes up how He flows so that you do not become stagnant and bored with Him. He is the Great Romancer after all - He knows how to speak to our hearts, beautifully, every time! HIS WORDS NEVER FAIL!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Hello, my name is Jesus!
As I've grown up, I've heard this story repeated to me numerous times. When I was a little girl, my Dad was still in college. It happened that the college he attended was a Bible College and my Uncle attended there as well. On occasions, I would be with my Uncle and he would take me on campus with him. There were many times he took me with him to the cafeteria. He would put me on the cafeteria table and his friends would ask me my name. He taught me to answer, "My name is Jesus.", as I walked upon the tables. It has been told to me numerous times and has always been a source of laughter. Oh, and I have another Uncle who taught me to say "Sister Holmes, stupid dog." and she was our Pastor's wife. But that is another story entirely. :)
Back to the "My name is Jesus." story.... We are a home school family and my daughter is now in 2nd grade while my son is in Kindergarten. As I teach my son, I am reviewing all the lessons I covered with my daughter. The first two lessons of K-5 cover the letter S and M, with reference to the Sun and the Moon. The lesson encourages them to remember "Jesus is the light of the world." when they think of the Sun and "I am the light of the world." when they think of the Moon. Just like the moon reflects the Sun, we reflect Christ.
When I first covered these lessons with my daughter, we just learned the lessons and moved on. As I recently covered these lessons again with my son, I was reminded of the silly story about me. Then I thought about how there is that commercial that shows pictures of many people saying "I am Tiger Woods", or whatever that reference was - everyone used the same name. They used the same product so... they were like the referenced star.
As a Christian, how often can we truly say to another "I am Jesus". That thought hit me like a ton of bricks. We should be able to say that. We should be able to be that. No, no one is like Him. But shouldn't we be enough like Him that someone is left with that thought? Not for our glory and not for our ego, but for the simple fact that they felt they were with Christ by spending time with us? Shouldn't they leave us feeling drawn towards Christ or challenged by the truth of God's Word? Shouldn't we, like the moon, reflect him.
One thing that I notice when I 'see' Jesus in the life of someone is they are NOT usually preaching AT me. They are very often just being themselves and the light of God's goodness shines from them. They do not have to TELL me how to live my life better - I am drawn to be better by having been with them. They do not make me feel like slime, they make me feel like I am cherished and loved. When you look at Jesus - that is what He did.
He did not go forth saying "thou shalt not". He just was. He was harsh on the church but He was compassionate and truth to the lost. He did not rage at those who did not believe. He spoke or lived truth and left the choice of accepting or rejecting Him with the individual. He was not isolated from those who did not know Him, He was light wherever He went and those who wanted to see truth did. He often stayed clear of the religious because THEY were narrow minded and full of rules. He left those He met with an internal question that they HAD to have answered. He left them wanting more. He wasn't looking for a fan club - He wanted to impact lives. He took every opportunity to be about His Fathers' business wherever He went.
I am learning, which has been a HUGE relief to me, that all I must be is myself. He has equipped me fully to do the work HE called me to do. If I am to impact the life of another, I do not have to have a specific Bible verse memorized and ready for the next time we are together. I do not have to have a 'word' ready when I walk in the door. All I have to do is to be sensitive to His Spirit and if I feel the urge to share some random story... then it just may be His tool for someone I'm talking to. I cannot count the number of times I've shared a 'random' thought or story with someone and later found out that in that moment someone found God in a new way. When someone tells me 'remember when you told me such and such' I often nod as I think 'What in the world? Did I say that?'.
At first I would be SO bothered that I could not remember what they were talking about, but now I've come to terms with the fact that I was the vessel He chose to flow through in that moment. I do not have to remember. The 'word' did it's work in their life and the fact that my mind cannot recall that moment or conversation is a gift. What if I did remember - hello prideful ego! :) I am so glad He chooses to speak through me when I least expect it and with words that seem so ordinary that I could not possibly take credit for them. That's what He wants. He wants to nudge our conversations here and there and be glorified NOT because we are constantly quoting 'thus sayeth the Lord' left and right, but because we said what He wanted us to say! That's it! His job is to stir the Spirit, our job is to be a river of living water He can flow through. I am tempted to say "I am Jesus" and yet when I simply think those words, I wonder if that is wrong. I do want to be able to say that... I just don't find the nerve to do so!
Back to the "My name is Jesus." story.... We are a home school family and my daughter is now in 2nd grade while my son is in Kindergarten. As I teach my son, I am reviewing all the lessons I covered with my daughter. The first two lessons of K-5 cover the letter S and M, with reference to the Sun and the Moon. The lesson encourages them to remember "Jesus is the light of the world." when they think of the Sun and "I am the light of the world." when they think of the Moon. Just like the moon reflects the Sun, we reflect Christ.
When I first covered these lessons with my daughter, we just learned the lessons and moved on. As I recently covered these lessons again with my son, I was reminded of the silly story about me. Then I thought about how there is that commercial that shows pictures of many people saying "I am Tiger Woods", or whatever that reference was - everyone used the same name. They used the same product so... they were like the referenced star.
As a Christian, how often can we truly say to another "I am Jesus". That thought hit me like a ton of bricks. We should be able to say that. We should be able to be that. No, no one is like Him. But shouldn't we be enough like Him that someone is left with that thought? Not for our glory and not for our ego, but for the simple fact that they felt they were with Christ by spending time with us? Shouldn't they leave us feeling drawn towards Christ or challenged by the truth of God's Word? Shouldn't we, like the moon, reflect him.
One thing that I notice when I 'see' Jesus in the life of someone is they are NOT usually preaching AT me. They are very often just being themselves and the light of God's goodness shines from them. They do not have to TELL me how to live my life better - I am drawn to be better by having been with them. They do not make me feel like slime, they make me feel like I am cherished and loved. When you look at Jesus - that is what He did.
He did not go forth saying "thou shalt not". He just was. He was harsh on the church but He was compassionate and truth to the lost. He did not rage at those who did not believe. He spoke or lived truth and left the choice of accepting or rejecting Him with the individual. He was not isolated from those who did not know Him, He was light wherever He went and those who wanted to see truth did. He often stayed clear of the religious because THEY were narrow minded and full of rules. He left those He met with an internal question that they HAD to have answered. He left them wanting more. He wasn't looking for a fan club - He wanted to impact lives. He took every opportunity to be about His Fathers' business wherever He went.
I am learning, which has been a HUGE relief to me, that all I must be is myself. He has equipped me fully to do the work HE called me to do. If I am to impact the life of another, I do not have to have a specific Bible verse memorized and ready for the next time we are together. I do not have to have a 'word' ready when I walk in the door. All I have to do is to be sensitive to His Spirit and if I feel the urge to share some random story... then it just may be His tool for someone I'm talking to. I cannot count the number of times I've shared a 'random' thought or story with someone and later found out that in that moment someone found God in a new way. When someone tells me 'remember when you told me such and such' I often nod as I think 'What in the world? Did I say that?'.
At first I would be SO bothered that I could not remember what they were talking about, but now I've come to terms with the fact that I was the vessel He chose to flow through in that moment. I do not have to remember. The 'word' did it's work in their life and the fact that my mind cannot recall that moment or conversation is a gift. What if I did remember - hello prideful ego! :) I am so glad He chooses to speak through me when I least expect it and with words that seem so ordinary that I could not possibly take credit for them. That's what He wants. He wants to nudge our conversations here and there and be glorified NOT because we are constantly quoting 'thus sayeth the Lord' left and right, but because we said what He wanted us to say! That's it! His job is to stir the Spirit, our job is to be a river of living water He can flow through. I am tempted to say "I am Jesus" and yet when I simply think those words, I wonder if that is wrong. I do want to be able to say that... I just don't find the nerve to do so!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
The 'Who' of Me
It may be helpful to share the 'who' of me. I have come from a 'thou shalt NOT' church world. I was practically born in church. I cut my teeth on the back of church pews, or so I'm told. I grew up in the same religion all of my life. I grew up wondering "Am I saved still?" after having the simplest question rise up in my heart about God. I grew up being taught more about the book of Revelation, and Christ's return, than the LIFE of Christ. I grew up thinking "I'll never" to many things because if I ever dared to do/think such things.... I would die and go to hell. Fear was my foundation of my faith. Fear of hell was more real to me than the love of God.
As a result of such a narrow view of God, I was heading straight for a path to rebel. Many in the 'churched' world would say I 'backslid'. I may be wrong on this, but I have not felt the least conflicted on my view that I did not backslide (which means turn away from God). I went on the most sincere search for who God was... really and I ended that journey with knowing a real, true and LOVING God! Wow! Who knew God was LOVE! Yes, this journey was in my college years.
Now I had something real of my own to begin living out. I was now drinking from the fountain of Life and it was good! Every Sunday or Wednesday or special event at church was where you would find me, not because my parents made me - but because I wanted to be there. I was brimming with Life. I was raised in a church family and being at church and doing everything that was asked of you was the mark of a 'good' Christian. So yes, I was doing what I wanted - and I hold no regrets to that part of my journey but I now look back and see the shackles I put on myself then too.
During this time of brimming Life, I met my husband and we were married. We then felt a draw to attend a different church and I had major anxiety. I had never attended a church outside of my religion, other than a brief visit here or there, my whole life. What would my grandparents and uncles and parents think of this choice? Would I be turning my back on my 'roots'? And so we held our breath and we leaped into this new church.
This church was so different. Instead of leaving church feeling like I could never live a life worthy of Christ's sacrifice on the cross; I left church feeling thankful for His love. His unfailing, unwavering love for me! I consider this church to be my 'college' training regarding God. This was the MOST fun time I ever had at church - I felt so alive and full of God's love. I felt like a giant!
Then, without the least warning, Hurricane Katrina came and SHOOK my world. No, I had no house damage from the storm but the storm blew into my world and I feel blew us right out of town. It seemed as fast as Katrina came and went was the way we left our home. We just had the strongest urge I've ever known to GO. Go where? We had no clue but we knew it was time for us to go and the time was now.
So we went, we had 2 precious kiddo's at this point. They were 2 years old and an 8 month old. We went without a firm job, we went without a home, we just went! Oddly enough my parents 'happened' to move, 4 months before us, to the very area we felt drawn to years ago. We stayed with them for a short time while we settled in and found work and a home. While on our journey we landed in a healthy and thriving church. One that was MUCH like the one that we had just left. We clumsily found our way there and met some wonderful friends. And then without any understanding whatsoever this church began to feel so wrong for us.
What?! Same message, same worship, same life-giving heart... so why we no likey?! I cannot explain the shame I felt because we didn't feel this church was our home. I felt it may offend our friends to think we didn't like the church anymore or that something was wrong with us. I felt major stress and so alone. Sure, I had felt alone since we moved but... now I felt like an island. Meanwhile, my parents moved away. We began church hunting and we attended a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Presbyterian church and... it was refreshing. Seeing all of the different ways people approach worship was beautiful! And yet, I longed for a church home.
We took a short break and began gathering with another family for a few months time and then abruptly that ended. Then we finally found our church home again. It was the most refreshing few months and right before we were to move once more. We have been in our new home now, which is far, far, far away from familiar faces, for almost 3 months now. We are enjoying the joys of parenting a 7 year old, a 5 year old and a 4 month old. Once again, the church 'building' is as far away as it has ever been. And yet God is more a part of my day than He ever was. So isn't THAT church? Church is not a building - it is a relationship with THE ONE Who made heaven and earth. That is more important than a building!
So here I sit - a totally different person than I was 5 years ago. I am more in love with God today than I ever have been. He is more real to me today than in my best church attendance days. He is a question away from me. He is a breath away. He is ever near. He is my all in all! He is my EVERYTHING! I am so thankful for each dreary step that brought me to where I now stand and yet I am FILLED with questions now. But instead of being afraid of my questions, I am reminded that He asks us to SEEK Him and we WILL find Him. If I do not bother to ask a question - even if I am WAY off... how would I know His heart? The more I ask, the more I know. The more I know, the more I love! The more I love, the better life is. Who could be scared of that!?
As a result of such a narrow view of God, I was heading straight for a path to rebel. Many in the 'churched' world would say I 'backslid'. I may be wrong on this, but I have not felt the least conflicted on my view that I did not backslide (which means turn away from God). I went on the most sincere search for who God was... really and I ended that journey with knowing a real, true and LOVING God! Wow! Who knew God was LOVE! Yes, this journey was in my college years.
Now I had something real of my own to begin living out. I was now drinking from the fountain of Life and it was good! Every Sunday or Wednesday or special event at church was where you would find me, not because my parents made me - but because I wanted to be there. I was brimming with Life. I was raised in a church family and being at church and doing everything that was asked of you was the mark of a 'good' Christian. So yes, I was doing what I wanted - and I hold no regrets to that part of my journey but I now look back and see the shackles I put on myself then too.
During this time of brimming Life, I met my husband and we were married. We then felt a draw to attend a different church and I had major anxiety. I had never attended a church outside of my religion, other than a brief visit here or there, my whole life. What would my grandparents and uncles and parents think of this choice? Would I be turning my back on my 'roots'? And so we held our breath and we leaped into this new church.
This church was so different. Instead of leaving church feeling like I could never live a life worthy of Christ's sacrifice on the cross; I left church feeling thankful for His love. His unfailing, unwavering love for me! I consider this church to be my 'college' training regarding God. This was the MOST fun time I ever had at church - I felt so alive and full of God's love. I felt like a giant!
Then, without the least warning, Hurricane Katrina came and SHOOK my world. No, I had no house damage from the storm but the storm blew into my world and I feel blew us right out of town. It seemed as fast as Katrina came and went was the way we left our home. We just had the strongest urge I've ever known to GO. Go where? We had no clue but we knew it was time for us to go and the time was now.
So we went, we had 2 precious kiddo's at this point. They were 2 years old and an 8 month old. We went without a firm job, we went without a home, we just went! Oddly enough my parents 'happened' to move, 4 months before us, to the very area we felt drawn to years ago. We stayed with them for a short time while we settled in and found work and a home. While on our journey we landed in a healthy and thriving church. One that was MUCH like the one that we had just left. We clumsily found our way there and met some wonderful friends. And then without any understanding whatsoever this church began to feel so wrong for us.
What?! Same message, same worship, same life-giving heart... so why we no likey?! I cannot explain the shame I felt because we didn't feel this church was our home. I felt it may offend our friends to think we didn't like the church anymore or that something was wrong with us. I felt major stress and so alone. Sure, I had felt alone since we moved but... now I felt like an island. Meanwhile, my parents moved away. We began church hunting and we attended a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Presbyterian church and... it was refreshing. Seeing all of the different ways people approach worship was beautiful! And yet, I longed for a church home.
We took a short break and began gathering with another family for a few months time and then abruptly that ended. Then we finally found our church home again. It was the most refreshing few months and right before we were to move once more. We have been in our new home now, which is far, far, far away from familiar faces, for almost 3 months now. We are enjoying the joys of parenting a 7 year old, a 5 year old and a 4 month old. Once again, the church 'building' is as far away as it has ever been. And yet God is more a part of my day than He ever was. So isn't THAT church? Church is not a building - it is a relationship with THE ONE Who made heaven and earth. That is more important than a building!
So here I sit - a totally different person than I was 5 years ago. I am more in love with God today than I ever have been. He is more real to me today than in my best church attendance days. He is a question away from me. He is a breath away. He is ever near. He is my all in all! He is my EVERYTHING! I am so thankful for each dreary step that brought me to where I now stand and yet I am FILLED with questions now. But instead of being afraid of my questions, I am reminded that He asks us to SEEK Him and we WILL find Him. If I do not bother to ask a question - even if I am WAY off... how would I know His heart? The more I ask, the more I know. The more I know, the more I love! The more I love, the better life is. Who could be scared of that!?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
A Glimpse into My Ponderings
I would have to say I am very literal. I like people to be who they 'say' they are and I expect them to do what they 'say' they will do. I do not know what came first - my literal view or learning the scripture in Revelation 3:16 that says "because you are lukewarm -neither hot or cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth." Whatever the case I've always been the all in or not at all person I am today. Although, I am growing in that area. :)
When it comes to most anything in my life - I am this way and sadly I expect others to be this way too. I've come to the harsh realization that others do not share my passion. :) I guess if I would have to guess at where this blog will take me - I would have to warn my readers from my "Song of the Morning" days that it will not be quite the same. I have gone through much change since my last few posts and my 'voice' began a change there. I went from being this Mommy blog, about my kids and parenting, to sharing more of my heart. I think you will see less pictures and updates on my children here and more of my ponderings.
My ponderings are not quite "church people" approved at times. I have begun to question what the Bible says on many beliefs I've held dear. I am beginning to see that the church has often taken liberties to 'perceive' what God means by those words for me and when I sincerely ponder those words on my own... I do not always come to the same assumption that I've based my Christian faith on. I am not anti-church but I am more pro-God and seeking Him in where the church fits in all of this.
I believe the church is vital but I'm not convinced it is vital in it's current condition. I am more of a 'let Him guide me, personally, in the daily moments of my life' rather than asking the church 'what does God say on this or that?'. I seek His still small voice and I expect Him to give me an answer to my internal question. Guess what? He actually answers me!! I remain connected to the 'body', just not the way I once did. It is more hearing His voice (which I can explain further as we go) and less asking the 'thems' what they think. I'm still working this all out but that is an example of what you will likely see here.
My ponderings. For example, recently I've pondered the scripture "Love your enemies." and "Love your neighbor as you love yourself.". I've been taught that these scriptures put you, the Christian, in a position that is complicated. I'm wondering if that is the case. Should I expose myself, and my family, to those who are my enemies so I can be a 'good' Christian? I'm wondering if "loving others, including my enemies, as myself" looks more like this... "I accept you, just as you are, and that is in conflict with me. I, one who loves God and others, want to do us both a favor and love you. I can love you best by allowing you to be you and me to be me - but not saturating myself in your world and vice versa."
Isn't it love to not condemn or damn one another for the fact that we will not get along with everyone? Isn't it love to give them space to be them, while remaining kind, and you be you? Nod and wave and go about your business. Less preaching at them for not being like x,y and z and more accepting their choice to be them - mess and all. Not trying to 'save' the world but just BEING light and letting that be enough. God is the One Who brings salvation - all I can do is be light. Otherwise, I may think my works are the reason for the change in another person's life.
Anyway, these are a few quick glimpses into the ponderings of my heart. Yes, salvation matters and God loves the lost. I hate for anyone to die and not know the Lord but I am called to be salt and light, not judge and jury. Still pondering....... I do not claim to have found answers to my ponderings and I am not interested in fighting about anything, but do feel free to share what you think. You just may be the Rhema Word I needed to clarify my pondering.
When it comes to most anything in my life - I am this way and sadly I expect others to be this way too. I've come to the harsh realization that others do not share my passion. :) I guess if I would have to guess at where this blog will take me - I would have to warn my readers from my "Song of the Morning" days that it will not be quite the same. I have gone through much change since my last few posts and my 'voice' began a change there. I went from being this Mommy blog, about my kids and parenting, to sharing more of my heart. I think you will see less pictures and updates on my children here and more of my ponderings.
My ponderings are not quite "church people" approved at times. I have begun to question what the Bible says on many beliefs I've held dear. I am beginning to see that the church has often taken liberties to 'perceive' what God means by those words for me and when I sincerely ponder those words on my own... I do not always come to the same assumption that I've based my Christian faith on. I am not anti-church but I am more pro-God and seeking Him in where the church fits in all of this.
I believe the church is vital but I'm not convinced it is vital in it's current condition. I am more of a 'let Him guide me, personally, in the daily moments of my life' rather than asking the church 'what does God say on this or that?'. I seek His still small voice and I expect Him to give me an answer to my internal question. Guess what? He actually answers me!! I remain connected to the 'body', just not the way I once did. It is more hearing His voice (which I can explain further as we go) and less asking the 'thems' what they think. I'm still working this all out but that is an example of what you will likely see here.
My ponderings. For example, recently I've pondered the scripture "Love your enemies." and "Love your neighbor as you love yourself.". I've been taught that these scriptures put you, the Christian, in a position that is complicated. I'm wondering if that is the case. Should I expose myself, and my family, to those who are my enemies so I can be a 'good' Christian? I'm wondering if "loving others, including my enemies, as myself" looks more like this... "I accept you, just as you are, and that is in conflict with me. I, one who loves God and others, want to do us both a favor and love you. I can love you best by allowing you to be you and me to be me - but not saturating myself in your world and vice versa."
Isn't it love to not condemn or damn one another for the fact that we will not get along with everyone? Isn't it love to give them space to be them, while remaining kind, and you be you? Nod and wave and go about your business. Less preaching at them for not being like x,y and z and more accepting their choice to be them - mess and all. Not trying to 'save' the world but just BEING light and letting that be enough. God is the One Who brings salvation - all I can do is be light. Otherwise, I may think my works are the reason for the change in another person's life.
Anyway, these are a few quick glimpses into the ponderings of my heart. Yes, salvation matters and God loves the lost. I hate for anyone to die and not know the Lord but I am called to be salt and light, not judge and jury. Still pondering....... I do not claim to have found answers to my ponderings and I am not interested in fighting about anything, but do feel free to share what you think. You just may be the Rhema Word I needed to clarify my pondering.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)