I guess I should start by saying that I am a Christian. A statement that I've not boldly declared as a badge or a weapon in my life, although I believe it was never a secret to anyone who knows me. Not a secret but not a matter of conversation either. I was raised in a very religious church, one with so many thou shalt nots that it left my head spinning. My family includes a generational line of pastors in it and we lived, even though my parents were not pastors, under a microscope because our grandparents were pastors. So, take all of the thou shalt nots and multiply them by 100 for us. We often lived near our grandparents and so the preacher's grandkid thing is just as taxing as the preacher's kid thing is. It was quite suffocating.
Add to these facts that I am obedient and I am terrified of doing the wrong thing, perfectionist, and you can probably see how I added to my own perceived stress. I went to bed nightly scared to death that if God came back, or I died in my sleep, that I would go to hell for some random mean or selfish thought I had. My salvation was so fragile - God could smite me at any given moment. I was terrified of hell. The end.
I lived most of my life terrified. I left our denominational faith in my late 20s. I was newly married and I had never been to another church. Ok, I had been to a few different denominations with friends but never as a matter of choice. As a newlywed, we felt drawn to a certain church in our community. It was like a magnetic force drawing us unto itself and yet I felt terrified to change churches because we never did that. We found one and stuck with it, when I was a kid. Plus, this one didn't have our denominational stamp on it. Yikes!
This church was life changing. I was freed of my pure terror. I finally realized that God loved me. He really, really, really loves me. Really. He does. I cannot stop His love. I cannot fathom His love. I could not believe His love for me was so deep and so pure and so unending. I could weep. This church also had someone sharing with us how we needed to fight for our Christian rights. I do believe our individual rights are being targeted daily. I was still just faithfully trusting the church and wasn't quite thinking an opposing thought yet. I may have, I cannot remember if I did or not, signed something against gay marriage. It was suggested but I do not remember whether or not I actually signed my name to anything. I hope I didn't.
I never knew anyone who was gay my whole life. Okay, I am sure I did. Well, yes I totally did. I just never heard them declare those words to me and so I wasn't one to judge them. I had a personal family friend who was practically destroyed by those who thought he was gay. He was targeted and made miserable because others thought he was. He always said he wasn't and I watched him push through that journey with such forgiveness and love that I decided that until Rose O'Donnell announced, with her own mouth, that she was gay - I wouldn't believe it. It wasn't for me to say. His whole life was ruined. It hurts my heart still. He has since passed on and yet his life was such a delight to our family. He was a beloved friend.
Now, here we are in such a public battle about Gays vs. Christians. It hurts my heart. I have my own thoughts now. I know who I am and what I believe. I know who God has faithfully been to me and I know my Bible lessons quite clearly. You know that Bible story that can be best summarized by 'do not focus on taking a toothpick out of your neighbors eye while you are toting a telephone pole in your own eye' and the one that says 'work out your OWN salvation'? Those cannot be forgotten. Many would declare that they 'love' the gays and are trying to 'save' them. That isn't our job. Ours is to love one another and leave the saving to God. Ours is to share the gospel with others, if they are inclined to hear us, and leave them to decide that they accept Christ or not.
I fear that what the church is experiencing a bit of their bullying fruit. Sorry, but it is true. When they so harshly attacked the rights of a community to marry whomever they wanted - that was bullying. To believe that the gay lifestyle is sin does not give Christians the right to impose their beliefs on that community by making a law. As I recall, Christ came to save us because we could not fulfill the law. Creating a law to limit the choices of another group of people is controlling and goes against everything I've come to know about God. God allows us to freely choose Him. He never said, "Let all who come to me, join us. To those who don't, let us make laws to make their lives miserable." No. He told us to love one another. We were to be light. The judging and declaring of who is sinning and who isn't is for Him to say, not us.
Sadly, people who very well may not have hostility towards the gay community are being targeted with venomous hatred for believing the Bible. I believe the Bible and yet I do not find it my place to limit or judge another. I am to raise my children up, in the way they should go, and leave the rest to God. I am raising them up to love their neighbor as they love themselves. I am raising them to love the Lord their God with all of their heart, mind and soul. The rest - that's in God's hands. I was raised on thou shalt nots and if there is a thou shalt not I embrace it is this, 'thou shalt not pass on the terrifying fear of God' that I was raised on. God is big enough and good enough and loving enough to direct our path. The Bible is true and yet, we all fall short. That is why we need a Savior. It isn't for me to measure the sin of my neighbor. That is for God. I am to live my life as I believe is right and just without shoving my views down their throat. My life will shine and I will be light and the rest is Gods.
Now, another thing I teach my kids, and I believe the Christians and the Gay community could use is this. When my kids argue I often have to remind them of this truth. "Just because you do not agree with your brother or sister does NOT mean that they are mean. It simply means you disagree." You see, I do not believe that gay people are mean or awful. I do not believe that Christian people are mean or awful. I do believe that certain gays and certain Christians have been horribly mean and cruel - the ones who try to shove their beliefs on one another are being bullies. This is true of both sides. We can disagree and still treat one another kindly. All of these laws to force people to agree with one another is stupid. It will never do what really matters; laws will not soften hearts towards one another. God is love. Hatred and anger and bullying are not His method. His ways are loving and kind. Any effort that is pursued in hatred and bullying anger are mean acts. Differing opinions are not.
